People-pleaser Woes
The fastest way to have a mental breakdown is trying to please everyone. Chinese Philosopher, Lao Tzu, once said, “If you always care about what people think, you’ll always be their prisoner.” Are you a people-pleaser? If you said, “No,” let’s see if it’s true. Here are 10 classic signs that you might be a people pleaser.
You tend to agree just to keep peace.
You feel it’s your job to make everyone happy
You say, “sorry” all the time.
You have a difficult time saying, “No.”
You feel awful if someone is mad at you.
You try to be like those around you.
You constantly need affirmation to feel good.
You avoid conflict at all costs.
You can’t admit you’ve been hurt.
You resist standing up or speaking out.
You didn’t just wake up one day and say, “I want to please everyone.” Rather, you’ve slowly allowed a personality mishap to take deep root in your life and leadership over a significant period of time. This is mostly from hating the nauseating feeling of conflict and rejection. Thus, you surrender to insecurity and succumb to the demands of others.
Just like you didn’t suddenly start being a people pleaser, neither can you just immediately stop being a people-pleaser altogether. It takes time and practice. You must intentionally start developing new mindsets and replacing old habits to transition into becoming a confident leader who is able to lead in spite of your feelings and misgivings.
You’ll never reach your full potential as a leader if you’re always caving in or trying to be all things to all people. If this is you, are you leading them or are they leading you? This may explain why your team or organization is always running in circles. Ironically, when you try to be everything to everyone, you’ll end up being nothing to everyone.
To make an omelet, you’re going to have to break some eggs. To initiate and sustain significant and lasting change you will inevitably have to make decisions that negatively affect people. The more critical the decision, the more people will be impacted. Pleasing everyone is impossible. Making everyone angry is a piece of cake. Funny but not funny.
Being a people-pleaser isn’t necessarily as much of a personality problem as it is a focus problem. If you fail to zero in on what is most important, you’ll likely give into the pressure of the moment. You’ll trade significance for insignificance and the urgent for the trivial. Before you know it, you’re doing everything for everyone. Where’s the joy in that?
In the next journal, I will provide some practical steps you can take toward ending the miserable cycle of being a people-pleaser.
