Leadership Leftovers

Many leaders feel trapped in an endless cycle of the unhealthy need to please people. God wants you to live and lead with your best self. Yet, if you keep letting people steal a piece of your life, you’ll only have leadership leftovers to offer. Start making the turn towards letting go of the destructive need to please people.

Here are 12 practical steps you can take towards ending the miserable cycle of being a people-pleaser. 

1. Start small.

Start by saying, “No” to something small. Don’t be lured into taking that irritating survey at the end of the call. Just hang up. When you’re at the mall, keep walking past those kiosks. Don’t let them sell that “miracle” face spray or gel neck pillow. You don’t need it. You’re not obligated to be interested.

2. Politely decline.

Don’t accept the invite to that “important” volunteer event. You’re overworked as it is. Practice politely saying, “No thank you,” and push through the negative reactions. With each step you take, you'll gain more mental and emotional backbone for the important issues. Learn to discern what’s truly urgent.

3. Be you.

Make a commitment to yourself to be wholly you. Imagine taking an oath before a judge. Literally, raise your right hand, and make a promise to yourself that you will not be anything less than your true self in all situations. You’ll be a much stronger person and leader for it, and you’ll sleep better at night.

4. Accept yourself.

God fully accepts you and that’s all that matters (Ephesians 1:6). Sometimes, no matter what you do, you won't get public approval. If you’re going to direct the orchestra you'll have to turn your back on the crowd. Don't live for people’s approval. You already have all you’ll ever need, and that is plenty enough.

5. Earn trust.

Earning approval is not the primary objective. Rather, it’s earning trust. Sometimes when you make strong decisions, it may take time for people to accept the outcomes. Some may never agree with you on certain issues, but stand your ground when it counts, and you’ll earn the trust to lead them.

6. Prioritize character.

Don’t keep giving into others to lead them. You’re too mature for this. When you continue to cross lines of personal conviction, it weakens your emotional barriers and compromises your moral integrity. Get a grip on this now. You should be more concerned about your character than your reputation.

7. Turn off.

People pleasers can’t find their off switch. Build routine and accountability into your life. Your important relationships matter. Discipline yourself to tune-out work and tune-in to them. This will prevent your emotional baseline from over-extending and will help you build and maintain mental strength for leadership.

8. Keep peace.

Instead of being a people-pleaser, move towards being a peacemaker. People pleasers think they’re resolving conflict by avoiding it. Yet, the opposite is true. The conflict still remains. Being a peacekeeper means you commit to work through conflict in order to bring true resolution and mutual understanding.

9. Nurture unity.

People-pleasers lean more towards conformity. So, they go with the crowd. However, strong leaders lunge towards unity. Yet, in order to encourage people to bring their unique selves to the table, you must lead the charge. Leaders don’t blend in, they stand out. in order to stand out you must stand up.

10. Conserve apologies.

People-pleasers often take the low road. Be genuinely remorseful when you’re wrong, but don’t take the blame when you’re not. Saying, “I'm sorry” is often a quick escape from conflict. Strong leaders don’t run, they resolve matters. This takes boldness. Challenge yourself not to run from discomfort or disagreement. 

11. Embrace boundaries

Without clear lines in sports, athletes can’t compete. Boundaries help define the expectations. No boundaries, no clarity. When you constantly let your guard down you lose your winning edge. Know when enough is enough. You don’t have to answer the phone after work hours. Honor your boundaries. 

12. Obey God

Pleasing God is priority number one. You will have to sacrifice emotional comfort to stand your ground. Don’t compromise God’s will for your well-being for other's selfish immediate needs. They'll be okay. God will provide for them. Say, “No” and refuse to take on more than what God has required of you.