Hurry To Hear
“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak…” (James 1:19 ESV)
Leadership is listening more and speaking less. In fact, much of a leader’s practice is to listen first. Will Rogers once said, “We should never miss a good chance to shut up.” We aren’t obligated to do all the talking. Essential to great leadership is regularly applying discretion and discipline in the art of intentional and focused listening.
Here are some practical tips to becoming a better listener.
Listen with Your heart.
Of course, there is a science and a method that we can apply when listening to others as they share their thoughts, feelings, and circumstances. However, more important to listening to others is to be sincere. In the art of listening, sincerity always trumps science. Empathetic concentration is key when hearing what others have to say. You should sincerely seek to relate to what the person is feeling in the moment. Search the experiences in your life story that can relate to their situation and, in effect, take on their emotions. Don’t just hear with your ears but let yourself identify with what they are feeling. Your heartfelt understanding is worth more than any advice you could give.
Resist the urge to interrupt.
This has been perhaps the hardest thing for me to do over the years. As leaders, we want to help people resolve their dilemmas and give needed wisdom and advice. However, when we interrupt or insert our thoughts too quickly, we subliminally covey the message that what they are saying is not as important as the advice we offer. It also communicates that we really don’t have time to hear their whole story, and that we want to get on with our lives instead of taking time to hear them. When you listen to others, lean in, focus, and avoid trying to fix things for them. Often, people will find solutions to their challenges on their own as they are sharing their situation uninterrupted.
Acknowledge with your expression.
Concentrating is difficult for me. My mind wanders. It comes with my attention deficit tendencies. So, I have to purposely use body language that helps me concentrate and convey that I am truly interested. I will nod, say, “Uh-huh,” and show expressions that communicate compassion, concern, and understanding. I also remind myself not to fold my arms. Folding the arms is a classic sign of coldness, sternness, shutting people out, or guarding yourself. When people speak, they need to feel like you care. Your demeanor demonstrates either empathy or disconnect. Pay attention to your facial expressions and body language, but most important, pay attention to the person speaking.
Summarize their story.
After giving someone adequate time to express themselves, it is important to reinforce that you’ve heard them. One of the best ways to do this is to echo back what they have said. I call this summarizing. I will say things like, “So, what I hear you saying is…” or “What I’m hearing you tell me…” Be careful not to re-interpret what they have said as to make them feel belittled. You should just briefly summarize in a manner that repeats what they’ve shared. This helps confirm that you’ve truly listened. By this, you’re not necessarily agreeing with their perspective or sharing their same feelings. You simply reinforce what they have shared, which will help create a platform to give your input.
Trust God for your response.
Proverbs 3:5 instructs us to trust God and not to lean on our own understanding. God will give you the words to say and show you how to respond. It may not always come in the form of directions, recommendations, or solutions. Some may simply need an understanding heart and a listening ear. Yet, often people do find themselves in a serious quandary and really do need our help. Whatever the case, it is critical, as you are listening, to thoughtfully consult the Holy Spirit in matters of counsel. He will give you wisdom, guide you into truth, and teach you what to say (or not to say) in every situation (Luke 12:11; John 16:33). However, when in doubt, don’t give advice. Just listen.
A word of caution here. In the day we live in, we have to be careful about quickly dispensing advice. The ramifications can be complex. If you are not a licensed counselor nor have the necessary legal protections put in place, you may be held liable for the advice you give. People are searching for anecdotes for their issues and are often quick to apply our suggestions, which sometimes may not be in their overall best interest. When sharing your thoughts or advice, you should always prayerfully qualify your statements or resist giving counsel if you are uncertain.
At the end of the day, when you don’t have answers or a specific course of action, it is more important that you simply listened. By this, you show others that they are valuable and that what they have shared matters. This will go a long way in your leadership.
