True Vulnerability
Vulnerability simply means the ability to be vulnerable. This is not easy. Some have a naturally transparent disposition while others are guarded. They may feel painfully awkward or anxious about being exposed. They are true introverts who thrive in solitude. Yet, their need for privacy masks their fear. So, they keep their cards close to the chest.
Others are competitive in nature. They fear giving too much away, often making that withdrawn powerplay in order to keep you guessing and subservient. Your floor will always be their ceiling. They guard the vault of their treasure for fear of losing it to you. Yet, by keeping their heart tightly locked up, they also keep the people they lead locked up.
Truth is, without vulnerability, people will not wholeheartedly follow you. Their suspicion of your motives only further breeds distance. People may work for you but won’t get close to you. To narrow the leadership divide, you must maintain an open heart. In doing so, people will truly open their lives to you. It’s risky, but the rewards are worth it.
Here are some tangible ways to practice vulnerability…
Appropriate Vulnerability
Leaders can cross the line from vulnerability to the inappropriate. Being open doesn’t mean you have to let all of your skeletons out of the closet. Some should never be let out. Use wisdom. When you share something with someone, you can’t take it back. Before you open your heart, ask yourself, “Is this something I want this person to know about me forever.”
Relative Vulnerability
Find something in your life that relates to what the other person is going through and share it accordingly. Sometimes, saying short phrases like, “Me too… I’ve been there… I understand… Etc.” Can convey to the other person that you are not someone who has conquered or mastered the issue. Rather, you are still learning, which leads to the next practice.
Experiential Vulnerability
Resist coming across as an expert but rather express your experience. There is difference between the two. One says, “I’ve learned.” The other says, “I’m still LEARNING.” Vulnerability doesn’t mean you know exactly what someone is feeling or experiencing. Your regular use of, “I’m learning” conveys that you’re on your own personal journey just like they are.
Admission Vulnerability
Admitting to your own mistakes and owning up to your own failures in life sends a powerful message. The stories of your failures create more authentic connections than do your successes. It communicates that you’re growing together. You don’t have to be specific or over-descriptive with your experiences. It’s a matter of conveying a humble attitude.
Compassion Vulnerability
You don’t have to offer advice to be vulnerable; you just have to offer your heart. Some problems aren’t easily solved. Many times, people aren’t searching for solutions, they’re searching for understanding. Being compassionate doesn’t mean you have the cure; it means you care. Love is a powerful anecdote itself. You can be silent and sill be vulnerable.
Timed Vulnerability
Some think vulnerability means exposing your entire life to everyone all the time. Not so. Vulnerability isn’t measured by how often you open your heart but by WHEN and WHOM you open your heart. Discretion is warranted. The right message at the wrong time, to the wrong person can sometimes be messy. Wait for the right timing. You’ll thank me later.
Interest Vulnerability
Periodically sharing interesting things about yourself that people don’t know is very effective. You don’t’ always have to reveal what is in your heart. You can also show what’s in your hand. Being vulnerable isn’t always in relation to something serious. It can be random, trivial, and fun things. Sharing your hobbies and interests greatly fosters vulnerability.
Reflective Vulnerability
To be vulnerable, you have to access emotion. Identify the areas where you’re struggling and work through the pain. Sometimes this takes regular introspection. Don’t push past your anxieties or hurtful emotions. Let yourself feel. By this, you will convince others that you truly understand them. You don’t’ always have to share your hurts; you just need to feel them.
Prayerful Vulnerability
People are drawn towards sincere vulnerability. We must pray for this kind of empathy. Maybe you can’t find the adequate emotions within you because of what you’re currently struggling with, or you simply don’t have the feelings that people need from you. Ask God to pour His love into your heart until it overflows towards others. God will surely meet that need.
