Addressing the Awkward
Sometimes, certain situations cannot be avoided. That awkward conversation is long overdue. The sour attitude, the constant resistance, the oppositional defiance, the laziness, or the non-compliance must be addressed. Some leaders avoid these moments because they are uncomfortable with or unprepared for conflict. However, at some point, leaders have to lead. Effective leadership often requires appropriate and sometimes even radical candor in order to bring people into alignment with the vision and the values of your team or organization.
Here are few helpful tips on leadership C.A.N.D.O.R.
Connection
To earn the right to initiate an uncomfortable moment, you must build a relationship based on many comfortable moments. If you spend quality time connecting with your team, candor will be easier and more effective. Honesty is better received on a foundation of emotional security. Trust is the currency of leadership. If you consistently invest time, attention, resources, and genuine concern for people, when that awkward conversation is due, they may be much more open to listen and willingly to comply.
Awareness
The best way to speak with someone about an issue is for them to be aware of it before you approach them. Sometimes, people simply aren’t aware they are insubordinate to or inconsistent with the vision and values of your team. Thus, you must be consistently clear with vision and values so the team will be without excuse. They may not necessarily agree with you, but they will know what is expected. If the vision, values, mission, system, and standards are clear, that awkward conversation may not be necessary.
Necessity
Sometimes, direct candor is inevitable, especially if a person is acting in opposition to expectations. In any case, you must determine if it is more about your personal preferences or about their effectiveness. When it’s about you, it’s unnecessary to confront. Sometimes, you have to live with certain things. You can’t control people. However, when someone’s attitudes or actions are negatively affecting the chemistry or progress of the team, they must be confronted quickly and directly. Delay is the source of decay.
Direct
Leadership means tough conversations. You cannot entirely avoid confrontation. Thus, it takes a certain level of security to be direct. However, it is not appropriate to blanket an entire group with directives when only one or two are at fault. Blanketing breeds suspicion and insecurity amongst effective team players. Thus, you should confront the noncompliant few head-on. You cannot lead everyone the same. Each individual comes with unique challenges. Being direct better helps to identify, isolate, and bring resolve.
Openness
Before you approach someone to confront a legitimate concern, come with an open heart and open hand. A closed fist only intensifies conflict. Before you require someone to comply, you should offer them your help. Thus, they may be more willing to give what you need from them. This creates a platform for mutual understanding vs. sole demand. Be sure to address your own insecurity ahead of time. Are you offended by an assumption? A rule to follow: Before you ask for a hand, you must first offer your heart.
Realistic
Often, our expectations are simply unrealistic. Not everyone can give us exactly what we want, but they can at least be somewhere in the ballpark. I.e., your company dress policy might be modern-trendy, business-casual. Lately, you’ve noticed that one of your older employee’s styles are very outdated. It is not realistic to expect a 50-year old to dress like someone in their 20’s. However, it is appropriate to provide them choice options that better represent the organization in relation to the clientele you want to reach.
In ALL of the above, the key is keeping the focus on the vision and values vs. the person’s non-compliance. This will reinforce the WHY above the WHAT and will create a stronger case for consensus.
